Sometimes I wonder if God is playing tricks...

Lil' Tyann,

Sometimes I wonder if God is playing tricks. In my last post to you, I sounded really upbeat and was full of renewed passion to pursue my goals and dreams for the year. Some major event happened shortly after the post and now I am quite lost as to how to realign those goals.

You will know soon enough what I mean when I tell you the story soon. In my next or the post after next.

Stay tuned.

Of Dreams and Goals...

Lil' Tyann,

Mummy G is stuck at home this week because of a series of dental surgeries that I have to go through. It was difficult to finally decide to go through this series of surgeries to resolve my long-standing dental problem.

Having a most horrendous set of teeth is probably my life's biggest nemesis. It has caused me much pain, troubles, stress (undue!), inconveniences and embarrassment. There is nothing I ask God more- than for you to have a set of strong teeth that will last you for your lifetime. The last thing I want in my life would be to see you go through the pain and suffering that I had undergone to resolve my dental problems. 

So please please please be a good caretaker of your teeth!! 

As with all things in life, there are always two sides to a coin. On the flipside of the sufferings of the going through those dental surgeries lies great lessons in courage, bravery and hope.

Mummy G is just so proud of myself that I found the courage to go through all the multiple surgeries in 3 days. Bearing in mind that I have put this off for at least the last 6 years or so, this is in INCREDIBLE feat, isn't it? =)) Of course, I cannot take all the credit for this. I have Dr Philip Goh to thank for his constant smiles and encouragement, and his extremely skillful dentistry.

2009 was considered a bad year for Mummy G. At some point last year, I had no idea what to really look forward to apart from being thankful that amongst all the bad stuff happening, I still had you-the greatest miracle in my life. The thought of this kept me going, and for this, I have to thank you for giving me strength.

2009 came and went. I must thank God for when he brought on 2010, I was suddenly filled with new found energy to regain the zest in my life. I do not have high ideals, but 3 simple dreams/goals I have for this year that if I were to achieve them-would make my 2010 the best year of my life yet:

1) Get a new lease of life with my dental problems resolved COMPLETELY- (almost there now!)

2) Get a new job in a company that I can stay for a long time and a role that I will absolutely enjoy. ( I hope to get there soon!)

3) Hopefully, at the end of 2010, I would try to give you a little brother or sister (I have told you of how difficult this is for me, but no harm trying! Even if I cannot give you a sibling, we still have you, our most precious!)

In many management or motivational theories that you will learn as you grow older, setting of goals is the most important first step to every task. 

How long has it been since I have set goals for myself? I cannot remember but it sure feels good to have them set in place, especially at the beginning of a brand new year. :)

Miracle Child

Lil' Tyann,

This is a spur of the moment post. Suddenly Mummy G just wants to tell you I love you and thank you (really!) for surviving and coming into the world and growing so well, lighting up my otherwise pretty dark life (for now).

I probably have never told you what a miraculous child you are to have been born into this world by me. This is because, by right, Mummy G should not be able to bear any child in my womb. Unlike most women, where bearing children is really the next step after getting married, having #2 after #1 or #3 after #2, Mummy G has a "sleeping" womb. It is complicated to explain at this point but let's just say that I have a sleeping womb.

You were conceived with the help of medication (and the help of dearest Dr Fong). Before you start to think why would that be so miraculous, it is because the same medication that was given to me to help conceive you does not work anymore. Meaning, Mummy G's womb has gone back to sleep after delivering you and now in a coma.

Words cannot describe how I really feel at this moment. 

To be really honest, yes I am sad. Very sad. I might never be able to give you a brother or sister and you might never be able to have an opportunity to know how it is to have a sibling. But this situation has also made me realize how precious you are and now I wonder how difficult it could have been for you to try to fight for your survival in a womb unsuitable to house babies.

I will always remember how you fought for your survival during the first trimester with Mummy G not producing any progesterone and you triumphed. I will also always remember how you had to live with the dreadful amniotic band in the womb which could have caused you to be deformed and you triumphed. So, before anyone will ever tell you otherwise, lil' Tyann, you ARE the most special and determined fighter I have ever seen!

The spate of events that happened to me after I had you: a) losing my job because I was staying away from work too often when you had to stay home due to frequent coughs and colds and not able to go to the infantcare; b) the current situation of the "sleeping" womb- made me realize how much of life's benefits I was taking for granted all these while.

What a privilege it would be to be to just be able to work. What a privilege it would be to be able to have children- both of which I am unable to achieve at this moment.

However, in times like this when I think too much, I steer my thoughts towards you and I think-What a  privilege it is for me to have a child like you.