Almost 6 years on

Dearest Tyann

I wish I could have more time discipline to keep this blog updated and all but it's really difficult to keep up. This is even more so with Mummy trying to cope with work, logistics, housework, making sure you learn your spelling and 听写, cooking for Tytus and you and a thousand and one other things. (ok, excuses maybe :D)

This blog has been relegated to a forum that Mummy G turns to only on a need-to basis or when there is a compelling reason to write a blog post.

So here I am again, and obviously with a compelling topic. :)

Later today, almost 6 years on since you were born to us, we register you for Primary One.

And I would hope to think I am correct to say that Primary One registration is probably one of the most dreadful events every Singapore parent would have to go through.

In my last post 7 months ago (gasp!), we talked about our shift from the east to the west, for the blatant reason of Primary one registration. Fast forward to today and Today IS the day!

It had been harrowing for Mummy G when I saw how the take up rate of MGS, the school we hope to put you in, grow higher and higher with each phase and how your chances get lower and lower and.. oh well, let's just say, whether or not you do get into MGS, it will most likely be determined by a ping pong ball in a lucky draw (ballot, the adults call it)

About bad news and how the human mind processes them, first, one goes into a state of shock and denial. Slowly, one comes to a realise and accept the facts. From here, one can go two ways: 1) be really bitter about the fact (why oh why oh why, that person laments) or 2)  accept the situation and try to make the best of it.

It is really easy to take option 1) as it is the most natural human reaction. But over the years, I have learnt two things:
1) Bad things happen. They just do. Period.
- And so this year, we face a case of poor odds against us in getting you into the school of our choice for you. The feeling sucks because we shifted, been shuttling from the west to the east everyday to send you to school in the east and my office at the airport and all that.
- And there is a good chance, all the effort will be for nought when we ultimately go for a ballot.
- Money spent, time wasted, sacrifices unrecognised.

Oh bummer.

2) Silver linings
- With every bad situation that comes our way, there is ALWAYS a silver lining. (Hey, things are really not that bad, are they?)

And tonight. As I dried your wet hair from the shower with a hairdryer, with your back turned to me, I looked at you, touched your hair and saw that you are real and I remembered.

I remembered the months, 6 years ago, when you were still in my tummy, living with the rare amniotic band, at danger of having parts of your body amputated and dismembered by the amniotic band.

I remembered how my joy of experiencing a miracle of being able to become pregnant with you (a miracle for an infertile me) turned into an absolute nightmare and all we prayed about day and night was for God's grace to be upon you, for you to come into this world safe and sound. That was all I really wanted then.

And when I remembered all these, a sudden calm washed over my heart. And I remembered. The greatest joy is not about which primary school you go to. The greatest joy is to be able to see you grow, jump, run, thrive as a normal, healthy little girl.

Wasn't that all that I had asked for?

Once, 6 years ago, all that mattered was a healthy, normal baby in my arms. Today, 6 years down the road, I am reminded of my prayers 6 years ago and I know, this Primary One registration thing is totally frivolous in the whole scheme of things.

I remembered. God has a plan for you in your life and whether or not MGS has a part to play in this plan, is totally up to HIM.

And with these thoughts, I will proceed to register you in MGS and know God is in control.

Silver linings.

Luv ya,
Mummy G

Signing out from Margate...

Dear TSGs

And so this Friday, after spending 6 years @Margate, the four of us (Daddy G, Mummy G and TSG x2) bid our farewells to start a new life @Sterling.

#goodbyeeast #hellowesterncentral

It has been a good 6 years, especially when Mummy G had always hoped to stay in Eastern Singapore- Which makes saying goodbye even more difficult.

#goodbyeeast
@Margate will always hold a special place in my heart. I will miss:

1. The wonderful location. Possibly one of the best locations in Singapore. 10min walk to East Coast Park, 5 min bus ride to Suntec City. We have enjoyed the best of both worlds.
2. The slow, idyllic pace of the east. Peace, they call it. You really need that after a hard day's work.
3. Jogging either at East Coast Park or to Gardens by the Bay. Just thinking about it makes my heart wrench. So let's not go there.
4. The East and all its gastronomical delights. Oh Geylang Lor 41 kopitiam, how I will miss limming my kopi and eating your kaya toast.
5. Our house. The "Couple pad" that we created thinking we will never have you- See through bathrooms and all. But God works in marvellous ways. Today we leave here with two more in tow (yes you TSGs.)

 #hellowesterncentral
So why? For that one very simple reason. Primary 1 registration. Unabashedly so, and here are the reasons for that radical decision apart from the fact that there are ZERO primary schools 1-2km of Margate.

1. Simply a parent's heart for her kids. Therefore, as with all parents of the world, Our hope is to do whatever's within our influence to provide for your lives while you still need us.
2. Not all schools are for everyone. If we had wanted a good school with super high academic standard, Tao Nan in the East could have made life much simpler for us. But TSG1, with your sensitive nature, may not thrive in such an environment.We therefore hope that a nurturing environment will help our girl to unleash your potential.
3. A nice mission school teaching my "tend-to-be-too-emotional" girl Christian values could help you manage your emotions better, depending on God for strength and wisdom rather than on yourself or on us.

The recent "buzz phrase" is "All Schools are Good Schools". Yes, perhaps so. But not all schools are homogenous. To me, it's all about which school for which kid- Different strokes, Different Folks.

In conclusion, we struggled a long time to finally come to this decision to shift near to a school we think is suitable for our TSG1. In Singapore's Primary School Registration system, it only means we have a higher chance with no guarantee. It may all end up a nought and we get balloted out.

In sports we learn never say never until we try. And if we fail, we can tell ourselves, "Well, at least we tried."

#nowhatifs #noregrets

Love,
Mummy G

First post with TWO TSGs in the House!

Dear TSGs,

The last time I posted (which was a long long long while back), I told TSG1 that God was playing tricks on me. Then, it was because I just found out that TSG2 was on the way! And I was in a shell-shocked state at the time of post.

Of course, as with all things in life, everything that happens to us always turns out into a blessing (it is really all about the concept of looking at a glass half empty or full). Whilst many think that I have a tough life as a working Mum of two, wife to a traveling husband with not much help ( as in no maid), I prefer to see this as a marathon race-enjoying the "torture" for the challenge of it. ;)

Today (1 June 2011), TSG2 is 8 months old! Happy 8 months TSG2! 8 month old TSG2 can sit, laugh, play with toys, eat solids and pull his sister's hair! Many major events have also happened in your lifetime! Month to date, you have witnessed the one of the worst earthquakes in Japan and one in Singapore- in the form of GE 2011! (hehe!)

One may think that this post is dedicated to my just-turned 8 month old boy. It is not. Rather, it is dedicated to my most precocious Tyann-whom over the past 8 months, has risen to the occasion and embraced her new role as a big sister in the most impressive way.

Many had warned me about sibling rivalry, horror stories of jealousy-induced behavior. But I see a big heart in my little girl, who, in her own unique way (unique defined as rough manhandling!), has displayed her care, love and sense of responsibility selflessly.

Any sane person will know that life is not easy for me. Revolving my life around the two of you sucks the life out of me sometimes. It is ironic, but seeing the two of you grow up, watching you love each other and getting along so well puts the life back into me.

It's strange, this thing called Motherhood.

Sometimes I wonder if God is playing tricks...

Lil' Tyann,

Sometimes I wonder if God is playing tricks. In my last post to you, I sounded really upbeat and was full of renewed passion to pursue my goals and dreams for the year. Some major event happened shortly after the post and now I am quite lost as to how to realign those goals.

You will know soon enough what I mean when I tell you the story soon. In my next or the post after next.

Stay tuned.

Of Dreams and Goals...

Lil' Tyann,

Mummy G is stuck at home this week because of a series of dental surgeries that I have to go through. It was difficult to finally decide to go through this series of surgeries to resolve my long-standing dental problem.

Having a most horrendous set of teeth is probably my life's biggest nemesis. It has caused me much pain, troubles, stress (undue!), inconveniences and embarrassment. There is nothing I ask God more- than for you to have a set of strong teeth that will last you for your lifetime. The last thing I want in my life would be to see you go through the pain and suffering that I had undergone to resolve my dental problems. 

So please please please be a good caretaker of your teeth!! 

As with all things in life, there are always two sides to a coin. On the flipside of the sufferings of the going through those dental surgeries lies great lessons in courage, bravery and hope.

Mummy G is just so proud of myself that I found the courage to go through all the multiple surgeries in 3 days. Bearing in mind that I have put this off for at least the last 6 years or so, this is in INCREDIBLE feat, isn't it? =)) Of course, I cannot take all the credit for this. I have Dr Philip Goh to thank for his constant smiles and encouragement, and his extremely skillful dentistry.

2009 was considered a bad year for Mummy G. At some point last year, I had no idea what to really look forward to apart from being thankful that amongst all the bad stuff happening, I still had you-the greatest miracle in my life. The thought of this kept me going, and for this, I have to thank you for giving me strength.

2009 came and went. I must thank God for when he brought on 2010, I was suddenly filled with new found energy to regain the zest in my life. I do not have high ideals, but 3 simple dreams/goals I have for this year that if I were to achieve them-would make my 2010 the best year of my life yet:

1) Get a new lease of life with my dental problems resolved COMPLETELY- (almost there now!)

2) Get a new job in a company that I can stay for a long time and a role that I will absolutely enjoy. ( I hope to get there soon!)

3) Hopefully, at the end of 2010, I would try to give you a little brother or sister (I have told you of how difficult this is for me, but no harm trying! Even if I cannot give you a sibling, we still have you, our most precious!)

In many management or motivational theories that you will learn as you grow older, setting of goals is the most important first step to every task. 

How long has it been since I have set goals for myself? I cannot remember but it sure feels good to have them set in place, especially at the beginning of a brand new year. :)

Miracle Child

Lil' Tyann,

This is a spur of the moment post. Suddenly Mummy G just wants to tell you I love you and thank you (really!) for surviving and coming into the world and growing so well, lighting up my otherwise pretty dark life (for now).

I probably have never told you what a miraculous child you are to have been born into this world by me. This is because, by right, Mummy G should not be able to bear any child in my womb. Unlike most women, where bearing children is really the next step after getting married, having #2 after #1 or #3 after #2, Mummy G has a "sleeping" womb. It is complicated to explain at this point but let's just say that I have a sleeping womb.

You were conceived with the help of medication (and the help of dearest Dr Fong). Before you start to think why would that be so miraculous, it is because the same medication that was given to me to help conceive you does not work anymore. Meaning, Mummy G's womb has gone back to sleep after delivering you and now in a coma.

Words cannot describe how I really feel at this moment. 

To be really honest, yes I am sad. Very sad. I might never be able to give you a brother or sister and you might never be able to have an opportunity to know how it is to have a sibling. But this situation has also made me realize how precious you are and now I wonder how difficult it could have been for you to try to fight for your survival in a womb unsuitable to house babies.

I will always remember how you fought for your survival during the first trimester with Mummy G not producing any progesterone and you triumphed. I will also always remember how you had to live with the dreadful amniotic band in the womb which could have caused you to be deformed and you triumphed. So, before anyone will ever tell you otherwise, lil' Tyann, you ARE the most special and determined fighter I have ever seen!

The spate of events that happened to me after I had you: a) losing my job because I was staying away from work too often when you had to stay home due to frequent coughs and colds and not able to go to the infantcare; b) the current situation of the "sleeping" womb- made me realize how much of life's benefits I was taking for granted all these while.

What a privilege it would be to be to just be able to work. What a privilege it would be to be able to have children- both of which I am unable to achieve at this moment.

However, in times like this when I think too much, I steer my thoughts towards you and I think-What a  privilege it is for me to have a child like you.

You are ONE!

Lil' Tyann,

I am writing this in advance of  your 1st birthday. I was planning to write something when we get closer to 22 Oct 09. However, while driving along the expressway this morning, I felt this sudden rush of emotions (aka inspiration!) and I just had to pen all these down before the feelings dissipate.

Lil' Tyann, you are ONE! Congratulations and good job! (You will go clap clap at this point and point your index finger in the air=D)

Mummy G has been very guilty of not blogging for almost the entire year since you came into my life. I can easily put the "blame" on you, that I simply cannot find the time, now that you are here and such a handful at that. 

But Mummy G has to be honest- so as to teach you the right values. (haha) The honest answer is that even when I am free, I would surf the net, Facebook, try out new recipes, read etc but would put off writing to you "to another day."

I had wanted this blog to be constantly updated so that when you are older, able to read and write, you will be able to read the articles written on this blog dedicated to you. As you can see, you are now reading one blog post summarizing almost the entire 365 days of your first year in this world.

But Mummy G will take heart! It is never too late to (try to) start again!  =))

The last 365 days in a nutshell (The not so good..)

1) Tough. Only one word to describe. 

2) I had no idea how to care for a baby and had to do it mostly alone (as Daddy G travels a lot for work). My best friend is now www.babycentre.com.

3) I still feel sad when I see my friends or strangers surrounded with help from their immediate family members when they have a baby.

4)  Suddenly my life is all about planning logistics, logistics, logistics. What time must I pick you from infantcare, what must I bring, what time to pump milk, where to pump milk, when can I go to gym for a workout.. to the extent of how to buy groceries and carry everything, including you, home.

5) I was forced to resign from my job because my boss was not happy that I had to work from home almost one week per month as that has been how often you have fallen ill.

6) I do not dare to go back to work again because the last job left too bitter a taste in the mouth.

The last 365 days in a nutshell (The good part!)

1) Each time I am faced with any challenges, I think of you and I find the strength to smile and move on.

2) Each time I feel saddened by the tribulations of life, I look at your innocent toothless smile and nothing really saddens me very much anymore.

3) Each time I feel pain (especially during those breastfeeding days), I see how well you are growing and I feel the pain no more.

4) Each time I feel all alone (especially when Daddy G is away..which is pretty often), I look at your peaceful sleeping face and wonder "what would I do without you?"

5) Each time I feel worn out, I see how your face brightens when you see me walk into the room at infant care, and I know I must be someone really special in your life.

6) Each time I feel discouraged, I see the new tricks you have learnt and feel inspired all over again.

7) Each time I feel worried, I think about what a miracle for you to have been born and no worry is too big for me to handle.

8) Each time I feel tired, I see how considerate you are to always let me sleep and play on your own in the playpen, even though you are awake, and suddenly something tugs my heart. (Mummy G knows! I just pretend to sleep sometimes;D)

9) Each time I feel like dwelling in the cruelties of life, or of the bizarre incident of how I lost my job, your presence is enough to help me climb out of the stinking pit and to scoop you up into my arms (even my stink does not put you off me)

10) Each time I feel totally messed up, I think about how cheeky and interactive you have turned out and I think I cannot be too messed up if I didn't mess you up.

One year old! And on this day, Mummy G should wish you a Happy 1st birthday!=))

Typically on a birthday, we thank God about how He gave us life,  give thanks for the past year that has passed and pray for a good year ahead.

You are too young to say this prayer this year, so Mummy G will say it on your behalf,

" Dear God, thank you for bringing lil' Tyann Sera Goh into this world, for bringing this little bundle of joy into our lives. Daddy G and I thank you for keeping her healthy, safe and sound each day of her life in the past year. She is indeed the greatest blessing you have given us. Please continue to bless her every single day, going before her in every step of her way.

Thank you for choosing us to be her parents.

Thank you for choosing me to be her mum."